Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest. Her mother warned her “Don’t walk through the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry!” Little Red started towards her grandmother’s house but decided to take the shortcut through the forest anyway. The turtle stopped Little Red and warned her “Turn back and use the path, because if the Big Bad Wolf finds you, he’ll suck your tits dry!” Little Red was almost there, so she kept going through the forest. Sure enough, the Big Bad Wolf jumps out of nowhere and tells her “Take off your shirt Little Red Riding Hood - I’m gonna suck your tits dry!!”. “Oh no you don’t”, yells Little Red, as she pulls up her skirt, “You’re gonna eat me just like the story says!”

Dog Wisdom

“If A Dog Were Your Teacher” … you would learn stuff like…..

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When it’s in your best interest — practice obedience.

Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.

Take naps and stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.

When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout… run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you’re not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

There was a young fuck named Fischer
Who fucked a fish in a fissure.
The fish with a grin,
Fucked the fucker in;
Now they’re fucking the fissure for Fischer.

All right fans, here is it the long awaited other version of the Signs. Comment, suggestions and criticisms are allowed. Feel free to laugh your head off. And if enough replies are posted, I might even add more. Anyway, enjoy them! I know, I did while doing it.
***
Signs Your Boyfriend is a Secret Animal Lover

10. When YOU come over to HIS house, his female Doberman acts as though she’s some jealous girlfriend wanting to rip the neck of the other bitch that sleeps with HER mate aka YOU.

9. You take a peek at his Palm top by stealth and learn that the real reason he was out at the race derbies was to meet someone named ‘Apple’ only to discover later that Apple was not one of the jockeys but was actually a REAL horse.

8. His DVD collection now consists of the following titles: Humping with Lassie, Fuck Willy, and The Horse of Zorro.

7. Having sex with him in “doggy-style” actually involves a REAL dog.

6. He is happy when you tell him about you have to go away for the weekend and you need him to look after your dog. The dog also seems to be awfully “excited and happy” for some reason.

5. When he says he sleeps with his dog, you hope that’s all she does.

4: He actually prefers watching Animal Planet than spending time with his X-box.

3: You discover that is actually a VERY active member of this website. And he’s been sending pictures and stories about bestiality for quite sometime now. (Hmmm, now WHO could that be…? *hint* *hint*).

2. He keeps on explaning to you that “Kitty cat” is his pet name for your uh, pussy and and he doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that your cat is pregnant.

And the number one sign that Your Girlfriend is a Secret Animal Lover…..

1. He keeps on having wet dreams involving some nasty four-legged ladies from the Police’s K9 Department..

While browsing the web, I came upon an entry called “Top 10 Signs Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend might be into Animal Love”. Needless to say, that little article had me laughing and rolling over in a matter of seconds and it had inspired me to write my version of it, the guy’s point of view anyway. I may post the girl’s point of view version of it soon. And if enough replies are posted, I might even add more. Anyway, enjoy them! I know, I did while doing it.
***
Signs Your Girlfriend is a Secret Animal Lover

10. When she comes over to your house she ignores you and snuggles up to your pet Schnauzer(the DOG, you pervert!!!!) and says “Hello, handsome, wanna play?”

9. You take a take at her diary by stealth and learn that the handsome 14-inch cock stallion she was fucking out with in the race derbies while you were away, was actually a REAL horse.

8. You were browsing this website for a “quickie” and you see her picture being fucked by that dog you gave her last Christmas ago.

7. Having sex with her in “doggy-style” actually involves a REAL dog.

6. She is happy when you tell her about you have to go away for the weekend and you need her to look after your dog. The dog also seems to be awfully “excited and happy” for some reason.

5. When she says she sleeps with her dog, you hope that’s all she does.

4: She actually has orgasms while watching the Animal Planet Special Big Cats”.

3. You discover that is actually a VERY active member of this website. And she’s been sending pictures and stories about bestiality for quite sometime now. (Hmmm, now WHO could that be…? *hint* *hint*).

2. When she tells you to fuck her pussy, she means that huge white Siberian Tiger she had chained up by the bed and not her.

And the number one sign that Your Girlfriend is a Secret Animal Lover…..

1. She screams out her dog’s name while having sex with you.

Hey! I got ya another one. Enjoy!!!

Once a fellow sucked a foal of Yellow
In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a foal of Yellow, “If a fellow sucks a foal of Yellow, Can a foal of Yellow suck a fellow sucker of a foal of Yellow?”

I got ya another one!!! Enjoy!!!

Brisk brave brigadiers
banged broad bright boars,
bears, and bulls —
banging them bangingly.

Signs your girlfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover

10: When she comes over to your house, she runs into your room with a sledge hammer and bashes your German Shepherd, Shasha, all the while saying, “Stop trying to steal my boyfriend, you fucking BITCH!!!!”

9: When she comes over to your house she ignores you and snuggles up to your Schnauzer(the DOG, you pervert!!!!) says “Hello, handsome, wanna play?” in order to make you jealous.

8: She buys you a chain and a leash for your birthday and instead of the usual necktie.

7: You tell her that you went to goof off for a while and rushes to the phone, checking out all of the zoos, animal shelters and stables in the area for any “unusual activity that happened within 24 hours.”

6: She took you to the vet instead of the doctor when you got sick with the flu.

5: She won’t let you on the couch any more….

4: When you tell her you sleep with the dog, she hopes that’s all you do.

3: Whenever a hot sexy dogwalker passes by the two of you, she gets jealous of the dogs, not the chick.

2: You spend countless hours that the guy in the internet picture fucking a dog is not you and it was your evil twin brother (yeah right!!!) who is trying to break up your relationship.

And the number one sign that Your Girlfriend suspects that you are a closet Animal Lover…

1: You wake up from a wild night of having sex with her and discover that she had you locked up in a cage with a doghouse while you were sleeping.

And here’s another one for you to enjoy!!!!

There was a young fuck named Fischer
Who fucked a fish in a fissure.
The fish with a grin,
Fucked the fucker in;
Now they’re fucking the fissure for Fischer.

Signs your Boyfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover

10: He insists on having the dog he gave you last Chirstmas be neutered at once and when asked he just mutters, “Better to be safe than sorry…”

9: He thinks that you had something to do about the way his pet eel died when you were looking after his apartment while he was away.

8: You look at his computer and notice that he bookmarked “Signs That Your Girlfriend is an Animal Lover” page from a website. You also note that he also bookmarked “Signs Your Girlfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover” from THIS site.

7: You have a fight with him after you and your girlfriends went to an aquarium exhibit. Later after you two made up and are having sex, he looks at you suspiciously in the eye and asks, “Honey, why does your pussy smell fishy?”

6: He won’t take you to the zoo anymore.

5: He won’t let you on the couch any more….

4: When you tell him you sleep with the dog, he hopes that’s all you do.

3: You tell him that the reason you were late was because you got detained by the police and he asks, “Which one, the Horse Patrol Unit or the K9 Unit?”

2: You spend countless hours explaining that the girl in the internet picture fucking a dog is not you and it was your evil twin sister (yeah right!!!) who is trying to break up your relationship.

And the number one sign that Your Boyfriend suspects that you are a closet Animal Lover…

1: He growls at every dog that passes by saying, “Stay away from MY bitch, you mutts!”